DJ GRAHAM'S QUIZ - NIGHT SCRIPT

**How this works.** The night is driven by ELAPSED TIME from the moment you press START, not by the clock on

the wall. Nobody arrives on time, so the wall clock is useless as a control. The television clock is there

for the room. This script is there for you.

**Your thumb does one thing all night: START.** After that you read, and you glance at the TV and the

scoreboard screen. The console buttons stay in reach as the safety net.

**Red line:** if you fall behind, CUT a question. Never rush the reading. The room can feel a rushed question;

they cannot feel a question you never asked.

BEFORE START (no timer running)

• Phone in the LEFT hand, thumb on START. Radio mic in the right.
• TV on the join screen. Scoreboard screen up on the Windows extended desktop.
• Check the room: how many tables, how many teams, is the bar already busy.
• Say this to the first table that arrives: **"We start when I say go, not when the clock says. Get your first

drink in, then I will tell you the rules."**

The 60-second housekeeping (say it once, to the room, before START)

Right, listen in. Three things and then we play.

>

ONE - join on your phone at **play dot whatsmybiz dot app**. No app to download, just the page.

>

TWO - your name goes in as your table name, and put a **T** in front if you are a team and a **P** if you are

playing on your own. Teams score on right answers. Individuals score on right answers AND on speed. So do not

let a team of six sneak in as an individual, I will move you and I will enjoy it.

>

THREE - no phones for looking up answers. The internet does not know the answers to my questions. I checked.

**PAUSE.** Let them laugh. Then:

Right. Thumbs ready. **GO.**

**PRESS START.**

00:00 - OPENING (about 90 seconds, question 1 lands around 01:30)

Script:

Welcome to DJ Graham's quiz. I am Graham, this is my whole setup - one phone, one television, and a library

of questions that is older than some of you.

>

Here is what tonight is. Four blocks. In between each block you get three minutes to go to the bar,

because there are no waiters in here and I am not carrying your drinks. If you want the bar to keep serving

you, go and see the bar. Simple economics.

>

First block is a MIXTURE. Music, general knowledge, a bit of geography, whatever else I feel like. Do not

worry, it is not all one subject - I am not a monster.

**PRESS START for question 1. 45 SECONDS a question. Read every question TWICE.**

Reading rhythm for every question (this is the whole job)

1. Read the question once, slowly, all the way through.

2. **Repeat it, and put weight on the KEY WORD** - that is the capital letters in this script.

3. Say the options once, plainly. **No A, B or C. Just the answers.** They tap the answer on the phone.

4. **"Ten seconds."** Let them feel the clock without you counting every second.

5. Reveal. Read the RIGHT ANSWER out loud, then read the FACT. The fact is the bit that makes them feel clever

for getting it, or teaches them something if they did not.

**Rule for the room:** never say "this is an easy one". If they get it wrong after you said it was easy, they

feel stupid, and stupid people do not buy another drink.

13:00 - FIRST BREAK (3 minutes) - TRIGGER IT ON THE SCREEN

**What you say:**

RIGHT. Stop. Thumbs off. Three minutes. Bar is that way, toilets are that way, and when I come back we go

faster than that first block. Clock on the screen, I am not your mother, I will not come and fetch you.

**Then let the break slides run.** One slide every 10 seconds = 18 chances in three minutes. You are first in

the slot.

**While the slides run, YOU WORK THE ROOM.** This is not your break. This is the only three minutes you get

with people standing up and looking for something to do:

• Walk to the table that is quiet. Ask what they do.
• Find the table that is loud and laugh with them.
• Note who has an empty glass. Tell the bar.
• Ask one table what they thought of the music question. Listen to the answer. That is a customer telling you

what to put in the next block.

**At 02:45 of the break:**

Thirty seconds. Back to your seats. Second block is harder and I am not repeating myself twice.

16:00 - SECOND BLOCK (about 13 minutes, 45 seconds a question)

Open with:

Right. That first block was gentle. This one has teeth. Same rules - and remember, if you are a team, you

score on right answers. If you are on your own, you score on right answers AND speed. So if you are alone and

quick, tonight is yours.

**Between questions, keep the rhythm:**

• If the room got it right: **"Good. That is the last one you will get easily."**
• If the room got it wrong: **"Right - nobody. Let me tell you why that is a good question."** Then the fact.

Never make them feel stupid for missing it. Make them feel they LEARNED something.

• If one table is running away with it: **"Table X is pulling away. Somebody go and put sugar in their drinks."**

29:00 - SCREEN CLOCK CHECK / SECOND BREAK

The second break runs on the SCREEN clock, which is what the room can see. When the screen says it is time,

**you break, no matter where you are in the block.** The screen clock is the boss of the room; the script is

the boss of you.

Same three-minute structure: say the three-minute line, run the slides, work the room.

FINAL BLOCK

Open with:

Last block. Everything counts. If you are behind, this is where you find out what you are made of. If you are

ahead, this is where you find out how quickly that can change.

**Build to the finish.** The last three questions are the easiest of the night, on purpose. You want the room

ending on a right answer, not a wrong one.

CLOSE

Right. That is it. Scores are on the screen. Do not argue with me about question such-and-such, I have got a

sheet and I will win.

>

Next one is the same time, same place. Bring people. The more of you there are, the better the prizes get -

that is not marketing, that is arithmetic.

>

Thank you. Bar is open. I am here all night, come and tell me which question was rubbish.

**Then leave the scoreboard on the screen.** People photograph it. That photograph is your advertising.

HOW TO READ THE ROOM (keep this next to you all night)

| What you see | What it means | What you do |

|---|---|---|

| Nobody laughing at the jokes | They are nervous, not bored | Go warmer, slower, talk to one table by name |

| A table not answering | They cannot join, or they are lost | Walk past and check their phone screen |

| Loud table, nobody writing | They are drinking, not playing | Give them one easy question to bring them in |

| The room goes quiet on a hard question | You are losing them | Reveal, tell the fact, and go EASY next question |

| People at the bar during a block | The break was too short | Make the next break longer, not the block shorter |

WORDS YOU WILL TRIP OVER - SAY THEM LIKE THIS

| Written | Say it |

|---|---|

| archipelago | ar-ki-PELL-a-go |

| Auschtwitz | OUSH-vits |

| quinoa | KEEN-wah |

| Worcestershire | WUSS-ter-sher |

| Magherafelt | ma-HERR-a-felt |

| pharaoh | FAIR-oh |

| Nguyen | NWIN |

| Van Gogh | van GOCH (the CH like clearing your throat) |

| niche | NEESH |

| asterisk | ASS-ter-isk |

Add to this list every time a word catches you. It is your list, nobody else's.

THE NON-NEGOTIABLES

• **Never read an answer letter.** No A, B, C. The options are just options.
• **Never say a question is easy.**
• **Never skip the fact.** The fact is the product. It is why they come back.
• **Never rush the reading.** Cut a question before you cut the pacing.
• **Never run the break short because you are behind.** The bar needs those three minutes more than the quiz

needs the questions.

WHAT THE ROOM IS TOLD ABOUT THE FONT (put this in the first break, once)

Quick one. If you are wondering why the writing on the screen looks like that - it is a font called

OpenDyslexic. It is designed so that the letters cannot swap places while you read them. I use it because I

read better with it than with anything else, and I am the one reading sixty questions out loud tonight.

If it helps one person in this room read the board from the back, it earns its place.

That is a true story, it takes fifteen seconds, and it teaches a room something. Use it.